Big Problem, Need Ranchers.net Help For

[elwapo]

Had a similar situation on the ranch on which I was raised. Grampa ran the show and the son in laws listened. When grampa passed away the world blew up with eveyone thinking that they were owed a living because they had paid their dues. The end result was my father starting his own operation, but his house was still located on the home place. That again exploded when my mother passed away and my father and grandmother had a falling out. I was away at ag school at the time and never went back to the home place. I started my own place when I returned to the area and have since purchased some of the home ranch to ad to my own holding. My father basically gave his house to the other side of the family and started over. It was the most heart breaking and educating experience of my life. The bottom line is do not assume you are owed anything as a son, cut your own path in the world. If you want to ranch bad enough you will do it regardless of the family. A little time away from the ranch will confirm whether the son wants to follow the ranching way of life.

 

[Ranchy]

I got a PM from my friend over there, that had the problem......here is what she said, concerning your kind input:

Ranchy, you're a doll!!! Thanks for all of your help..shared with my son yesterday and he got some good insight and a couple of laughs off of the post...

Thanks from the bottom of my heart, you guys!!! You're the bestest! I'm really trying to get her (and her "guys") to register here, too. I know they'd get a lot out of the site.

 

[PPRM]

The worst thing is putting mom in the middle....Both guys if they are REAL MEN will learn to work things out without stressing a loved one.....

That being said, What is the goal of the son working there? Is it so he can eventually take over or just so that they have an extra "Hand"....If it is for cheap Labor, hire someone else and let the relationship be maintained....If it is to learn to take over, I'll bet the father has sent a lifetime "Honing" the way to make things work slick. Yet, likely there are some things he has not seen......The real key on both sides is going beyond, "Lets do it this way" and asking why we would want to or not want to do something....That takes it out of the personal realm....

I have never found re-evaluation to be a bad thing. Some things i have tried don't work, others work splendidly......I gues what I am saying is for this to be ideal it has to be taken out of the personal realm and boiled down to evaluation of why we do things the way we do and why we would or would not change....Hearing no or hearing 'hey what if we did this" needs to become something that does not illicit emotions...


My two copper round thingy's,

PPRM

 

[cedardell]

Went through all this myself. I respected my Dad enough to do things his way until he was no longer able to carry on. Then he became very critical of my work until the day he died. The thing I don't understand is why we all run to our mother and make her life miserable. I guess we expect her to stick up for us and interveen with him. Poor Mom. Best thing for her to do is take a nice vacation by herself and enjoy herself or some ativity off the ranch and let the two of them work it out. Now that he is gone I'd say that the time with my Dad was too short and I wish he was still here. It seems like he is still helping me even after he is gone. I know you won't believe this but he died in the middle of a cattle sorting. The next day I went out with tears in my eyes to finish the job alone. I had over forty calves in a pen that needed to be sorted by sex. They somehow got the gate open and believe it or not all the steer calves were on one side of the gate and all the heifers on the other side. All i had to do was close the gate. He has been doing things like that for me ever since he passed away. So why was I so hard on his wife? Beats the heck out of me.

 

[Shorthornguy]

Common goals, communication and teamwork. If you don't have that in a marriage or business partnership, you are better off going your own way and doing your own thing.

 

[greg]

If it ain't broke don't fix it.



1. The BOSS is always right


The Boss may not always be right, but he is still the BOSS

Too true,the boss or the one writing the cheques?You take the cheque-You ride for the brand

 

[Ranchy]

cedardell, that story about sorting the calves gave me goosebumps......how amazing!!!!!!! Thanks for sharing it with us.

Thanks for your input, guys, I'll be sure she knows she's got more responses to her question........

 

[NMRANCHER]

There are 2 rules to remember

1. The BOSS is always right

2. Revert back to rule number 1.

How does this rule work when you are both the Boss and the Peon?

 

[Ranchy]

Interesting observation, NMRANCHER!!!!!!!!!!!! :lol: :lol: :lol:

I"ve heard that it's bad to get caught talkin to yourself........... :twisted:

 

[PureCountry]

My response is going to be different from most others, but it is similar in that it's based on experience as much as anyone's. I would highly recommend meeting with a family mediator or counsellor that has experience helping families with these sorts of things. In our case, my parents were willing to talk to someone, and we had a Holistic Management Instructor come to the ranch with his wife, and stayed with us for 2 days. They talked with my parents for a whole morning, then with my wife and I for the afternoon. That evening, we all got together at our kitchen table and they helped us connect everyone's individual goals with a plan that could see us getting along and keeping this place profitable for many generations.

We paid them well mind you, but it was worth every penny. It just helped us all look at things more clearly and put into perspective what's important - family. Family always has to come first, the ranch second. Everyone needs to have a say in things, without being criticized for it too. In Holistic Management they teach you that you should never vote on big decisions or let one person push their vote through. Everyone has to be in agreement or it just shouldn't happen. We had a real hard time adopting that line of thought in our family, but it has made family meetings much more enjoyable because we all work at finding the solution that pleases everyone.

Anyways, if you're interested, visit www.holisticmanagement.org and they'll have lists on there of all their certified instructors. I know there's a few in New Mexico and Central America(not sure where your friend is from) and one or more of them would be willing to help. Hope that helps.

 

[greg]

Purecountry-That is what I meant?Can't type that much 8)

 

[greg]

Went through all this myself. I respected my Dad enough to do things his way until he was no longer able to carry on. Then he became very critical of my work until the day he died. The thing I don't understand is why we all run to our mother and make her life miserable. I guess we expect her to stick up for us and interveen with him. Poor Mom. Best thing for her to do is take a nice vacation by herself and enjoy herself or some ativity off the ranch and let the two of them work it out. Now that he is gone I'd say that the time with my Dad was too short and I wish he was still here. It seems like he is still helping me even after he is gone. I know you won't believe this but he died in the middle of a cattle sorting. The next day I went out with tears in my eyes to finish the job alone. I had over forty calves in a pen that needed to be sorted by sex. They somehow got the gate open and believe it or not all the steer calves were on one side of the gate and all the heifers on the other side. All i had to do was close the gate. He has been doing things like that for me ever since he passed away. So why was I so hard on his wife? Beats the heck out of me.

Been there