Night Sport
The ground was hard, there'd been a thaw
But a front had passed on through
There were icy patches, here and there
And soft spots were damn few
So just before bed, I went out to look
To check for a chilled down calf
"He thought more of his stock than he did of himself"
Should read my epitaph
A heifer had calved, sort'a out of the wind
The calf was shiverin' and cool
I'd put him and his mom inside a warm barn
I guess I'm a softhearted fool
I saddled up Yeller, he had eyes like a cat
But I still took a flashlight along
It seemed like such a simple chore
As I saddled I hummed a song
That heifer snorted snot, then left
Like a deer, right over the fence
I give her credit she made it look easy
Atheletic, but a little bit dense
We went 'round and 'round, back and forth
But she always came back to her child
I used him for bait to lure her to the barn
'Cuz by now she was gettin' plumb wild
From one end of the lot to the other we went
She was droppin' thin green out the back
Yeller was doin' his best to check her
Like a hockey player on the attack
Mattlock and Peppy had nuthin' on us
She had moves like a scalded feline
I tried to stifle my urge to murder
that hotblooded, hateful bovine
I swapped that flashlight for my rope
As we blocked her every jump
I was swingin' my hondo and aimin to swat her
Right there on her knowledge bumb
Just about then, that 'ol snake got smart
She headed right straight for the shed
Yeller followed her, slippin' and slidin'
Just like a goosed moose full of lead
I put the calf in the shed with that rotten 'ol rip
He'd warm up and be plumb fine
But her maternal instincts didn't seem that strong
So I penned 'em and tied it with twine
As I unsaddled Yeller, I laughed out loud
She sure was a ringy, old sow
"A job well done", I thought until morning
When I found, I'd put in the wrong cow!