The Kinda Clean Napkin Joke

[katrina]

> ----- THE GOOD Clean NAPKINS!!!!!
>
> My kind mother taught me to read when I was four years old (her first
mistake).
>
> One day, I was in the bathroom and noticed one of the cabinet doors
> was ajar. I read the box in the cabinet. I then asked my mother why
> she was
keeping ' clean napkins'
> in the bathroom. Didn't they belong in the kitchen? Not wanting to
> burden
me with unnecessary facts, she kindly told me that those were for "special
occasions" (her second mistake).
> Now fast forward a few months....It's Thanksgiving Day, and my folks

> are
leaving to pick
> up my uncle and his wife for dinner... Mom had kindly made assignments for all
> of us
while they were gone.
> Mine was to set the table. When they returned, my uncle came in
> first
and immediately burst into laughter. Next came his wife who gasped, then
began giggling. Next came my father, who roared with laughter. Then came
Mom, who almost died of embarrassment when she saw each place setting on
the table with a "special clean occasion" napkin at each plate, with the fork
carefully arranged on top. I had even tucked the little tail in so they
didn't hang off the edge!!
>
> My kind mother asked me why I used these and, of course, my response sent

> the
other adults into further fits of laughter. "But, Mom, you SAID they
were for special occasions!!!"
>
>
>
>
>
>
>

[the_jersey_lilly_2000]

Ok...I don't care who ya are....that's funny!!!!!

[ranchwife]

AGREED!!!

[nr]

When my sister and I were gradeschool kids we pawed through some old abandoned junker cars one day for fun, found coins under the seats (more than our allowance!) and a strange flat balloon. I was playing with it later in the kitchen and my mother asked what I had there. I showed her my balloon and can still remember the look she threw at my Dad which I immediately interpreted (correctly) that they weren't going to tell me what I'd actually found.
For some reason my little "balloon" disappeared. It was years later I figured it all out.

[Cal]

Glad I came back to read this, too funny! nr, hope that "balloon" was still in the package and hadn't already been "played" with.

[nr]

Rats! Like grease on dishwater, this post has risen to the top again.
I was thinking AFTER posting the comment that I should NOT have sent it
My 4-thought always comes 2-late. lol

[Hanta Yo]

Just looking for a place to put this joke...I couldn't resist!

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff,
rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's --Dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I
noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one

--Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX

At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's
anterior chest wall. Big breaths, I instructed. "Yes, they used to be" remorsefully replied the patient.

--Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA


One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive
myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family
that he had died of a "massive internal fart."

--Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada



I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty
feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly.
Now your left." Again, a flawless read. Now both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.

--Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA

During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor,
that he was having trouble with one of his medications. Which one?" I asked . "The patch. The nurse
told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had
him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.

--Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA


While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bed-ridden?"
After a look of complete confusion she answered . Why, not for about twenty years -- when my husband was alive."

--Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR


I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, So, how's your breakfast this morning?" It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."

--Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI

And Finally . . . .

A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.

The middle aged lady upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further
embarrassed him He looked up from his work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?"

She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener."

--won't admit his name

[sw]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A dentist noticed that his next patient, an elderly lady, was looking very nervous so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves.



"Do you know how they make these gloves?" he asked.



"No, I don't" she replied



"Well," he spoofed, "there's a building in China with a big tank of latex and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size."



She didn't crack a smile.



"Oh, well. I tried," he thought. But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the dental procedure, she burst out laughing. "What's so funny?" he asked.



"I was just picturing how condoms are made!" she said.

[Big Muddy rancher]

It didn't take five minutes but it made me laugh

[Chuckie]

hanta yo--i LOVE the dr stories! i have 2 sisters that are, so i believe em

you've all heard that we all hate it when the sx says "whoops", right? well, one day at the clinic, we had a really full sx schedule and had a newfoundland spay among a gazillion cats/dogs, etc. the doc doing the newfie spay always had to have a concrete block to stand up on to do sx on the best of days (she is short ), so one of the vets and i were toting a patient either to or from (come on--it's been 12 yrs!), glanced (sp?) over on the way by and stopped.

"doc--you have a little bleeder over on the other side of the newfie.." that's when you hear "oh, sh*t!!" well, there is not a concrete block over on the other side of the sx table, the dog's bleeding pretty good, so we ended up doing the "concrete block shuffle", the vet stayed sterile, the bleeder was controlled, the spay was successful.

i loved that job...

[Hanta Yo]

Chuckie,

Worked for a vet for a number of years after getting my BS in Animal Science. I loved the job, for I was a city girl through and through, always wanted to marry a cowboy ( I did, later ) and loved the animals. I remember a time when a bull we were "testing" got out of the chute and made a trip around the vet clinic - amazing he didn't trash anything. I called him the "bull in a china shop" and the saying so carries to this day in our household. I was totally amazed that bull didn't destroy the whole clinic!!!!